30 Nov 2021 - Graham
previously: 3.5 bacchus
This issue we’re taking a break from me to feature you.
Julia B. enjoyed the Euripides:
I relate to the struggle of finding balance between control/order and chaos/excess/spontaneity/partying. Nice to remember that it’s an age-old issue, and probably one at the heart of modern humanity.
Cameron C. offered a very reasonable defense of video games:
We’re constantly under this pressure to be doing something. To be productive. To be contributing something. To get a side hustle, or monetize our hobbies (when are you going to start plugging ads into these btw?). Taking pure leisure time where we can sit, for hours on end, and do something we enjoy without necessarily being “productive” is generally frowned upon or seen as lazy…
I work from home. I get off work anywhere between 5-5:30 PM, then feed and take care of my daughter until about 7pm when she goes to bed. My wife and I will either watch a movie, or watch a show, before going to bed. Most nights, though, especially during the week, I’ll use that 3-4 hours to play computer games. Am I addicted? Maybe. But would watching the same amount of TV be considered addictive? I think watching hours of TV, as we got older and more accustomed to it, just became the norm. We have whole rooms that have furniture aimed at the TV. It became a centerpiece of the US home. But gaming was something that became really popular when we were kids, and is still immensely popular among kids, so there’s this sort of misconception that only kids are really into video games. I think our generation is bringing our video gaming into adulthood, and maybe one day, just like TV, it will just become the norm.
Claire G. echoed the tension between guilt and comfort:
I have found myself revisiting Zelda Ocarina of Time… lol. I haven’t played it (or really any video game) since I was a kid. Well that’s not 100% true… I’ve played Sims 2 throughout adulthood on and off. Both Zelda and Sims reflect real nostalgia and comfort for me. That and Gilmore Girls. Those are my childhood “comfort” games and show. I always tackle guilt when I return to these comforts. Like, shouldn’t I be doing something productive? I’m always talking about wanting more time to paint and be creative! So why don’t I go do that! Haha. But isn’t comfort and rest important too? These are the demons I’ve been tackling lately.
Dave C. related a more positive, but also distant nostalgia for the games that I also loved as a child (the main difference is that Dave is a more effective advocate than I am; my parents never relented):
I played computer games some growing up, and I had an early Gameboy by sometime in middle school, but my parents refused to buy my brother and I a tv console for a long time. Finally they agreed that we could buy a console with “our own money,” aka saved allowances and birthday gifts. We got an N64 in ~late middle school, and an Xbox a few years later. We played a lot and had fun–but it was always a social activity, never a thing that either of us did by ourselves. Our favorite games were the ones that were best with friends over–Mario Kart, Super Smash, Halo. Those were all big in high school (lots of “Halo Parties” with linked Xboxes spread throughout a house). But then in college I just stopped, pretty much cold turkey. It wasn’t a conscious choice, it’s just something that fell away. Partially I didn’t have friends who were very into games, partially the logistics made it tougher. But mostly I just wasn’t that interested and had other ways of occupying my time that I valued more. I also wasn’t very good, which is probably a component. Cumulatively, since graduating high school, I’ve probably played 10 hours of video games – occasional nostalgia bouts of Mario Kart, that sort of thing. I don’t miss it.
Cara D. shared her outsider’s perspective:
I can’t relate much to video gaming but it’s something Jonathan used to spend a LOT of time with. It stressed me out during times when he was unemployed because I couldn’t help but think there were things he could be doing with his time, even though for some of that time he didn’t have his visa so he couldn’t have legally worked anyway. He quit playing for awhile but now I would say he plays maybe 2 hours per week. He could play for more but he is considerate about sharing the responsibilities of baby stuff. I admit I used to get naggy with him about it some years ago, but now I’m not going to begrudge him some video gaming if that’s how he wants to decompress. It’s more like a coffee habit for him now I guess.
Jonathan M. gave his version (which eerily echos my own experiences) and he linked to some deep wisdom that helped him:
My relationship with video gaming spans over 25 years now and began at a time in my formative years when I had next to no impulse or self-control. Without adult intervention or a very strong biological imperative I would happily play video games all day. The impact was never severe enough that my school work actively suffered, but by the time I was a teenager I and everyone else knew that I could be doing better. That status quo persisted at university and then after I had graduated. Video games were both a cause of, and escape from, an unfulfilled life.
Extricating myself was difficult without having a replacement for gaming already, and there was a despair in knowing that I was stuck on this wheel without the motivation to get off it. Things improved dramatically after I began my career as a teacher, but gaming usually filled up whatever free-time I had. There have been several times since then when I have been between jobs and my gaming time increased. I realized that gaming had always been my default mode, and that having salaried work had minimized the time that I may otherwise have been playing games. I took an absolutist approach to this in 2019 and deleted my 15 year old Steam Account after losing my job in January. I didn’t stick with the decision for long, and I felt all that much worse after opening a new account. I didn’t actually have to play games for very long to feel bad about myself because I felt the weight of all the wasted time from the years before, and any more hours added to that load. I had to be kinder to myself.
I’m in a much healthier place with gaming today. I watched a recent video by Sadhguru where he claims that the key is to make your life more interesting than the video game. This has been a large part of the solution to gaming addiction for me, and it speaks to the fact that gaming was both a symptom and a cause of larger underlying problems in my life.
A shared this kind and vulnerable response:
I was a smoker for many years from the age of 18 until 30. I quit then, for a while. When the pandemic started up and I got broken up with in the same week I bought a pack. Then I bought another. I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that I am still a smoker. When you shared recently that with an addiction you must choose either it or everything else, it tugged my heartstrings.
My family doesn’t know. I keep it a secret on my dating profiles and self consciously brush my teeth, neti pot, and floss before any possibility of getting close to someone.
Similarly, B wrote that my description of rock bottom resonated with his experience as the child of an alcoholic.
I was worried that talking about video games as an addiction would make folks who’ve experienced “real” addictions cringe. But kindly, you’ve related the opposite.
On a lighter note, Aneliese recommends this weirdly great bird song
Thanks to all! Keep your thoughts coming!
next post: the sciences